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The House of Emperor Pshonka

The Ukrainian revolution has given an amazing show to the people. The whole country is now looking at the everyday lives of its former leadership. Tours are being held at the residence of fugitive Yanukovych. The people have dubbed the huge mansion “The Museum of Corruption.” There’s certainly a lot to see in there. Following the best traditions of African dictators, both a garage with ancient cars and a huge zoo were found at Yanukovych’s place.More recently, I saw a report from the house of the former Prosecutor General Pshonka. It is hard to call this place a home. I immediately recalled the time when I was filing a report on the work of a district police inspector outside Moscow. At that time, we entered one of the apartments during our neighborhood patrol. An insane woman, who was hauling trash into her apartment, was living there. She would walk along the street, see a piece of trash, pick it up, and take it to her apartment. The floor has long since become invisible, the entire apartment was packed with all sorts of trash piling up about a meter high, with occasional piles reaching up to the ceiling. Presumably, psychiatrists have assigned some kind of a diagnosis to such deviant behavior.

Looking at the photos taken inside the house of former Prosecutor General of Ukraine Pshonka, I would really like for the psychiatrists to diagnose him as well. Something tells me that he would be undergoing treatment in the same room as that weird lady outside of Moscow.

What follows in this post are some very frightening images. I warn you: please think carefully before moving below the cut. Remember: “once it’s seen, it cannot be unseen.”

Pshonka’s house is the house of an uneducated, greedy, stupid, self-obsessed person. He is completely devoid of any sense of taste or style. This looks very much like the gypsies’ behavior. You know – no matter what a gypsy king decides to build for himself, it’s still going to look like a furnished barrack. His education is enough to only take him as far as filling the huge rooms with opulent, gold-stitched sofas and deck his head with a crown.

01. The exterior of the house. Cheap plastic windows and air conditioners hanging around haphazardly. It is obvious that the Prosecutor General did not spend a single hryvnia on the architects. Most likely, the house was built by poorly educated construction workers. Nothing is thought through.

02. Everything follows the standard. On one hand, the man has an unlimited amount of money. Most likely, Pshonka has so much money that he is physically unable to comprehend how in the world to spend it. Unfortunately, his upbringing and education are insufficient to design the interior of his house. He simply goes to a shop and buys some disgusting “wall cabinet”, then places his vases and statuettes on top. A vacuum cleaner box is standing right next to it.

03. Moving on to the living room,  kitschy décor, which is entirely out of place. This style can be called “a collective farmer who fell greedily into dough.” The owner’s wife is, most likely, the one putting together these interiors. She comes to a furniture store and asks: “What’s the most expensive table that you have?!” Every furniture store keeps in its stock some kitschy Chinese table, all gilded and bejewelled, just in case a collective farmer who fell into dough decides to visit. The value of interior objects is measured exclusively by the quantity of rhinestones and gold, as well as the complexity of whorls in its pattern.

04. TV stand.

05. Dining room. This is on the scale of a dining car. Apparently, Mr. Pshonka’s visits to a dining car in his distant Soviet childhood left him serious impressed. This atmosphere seemed like a fairytale to him. He remembered it and transposed it into his home. Construction workers were clearly told: “I want my favorite dining car turned into a palace!”

06. Bedroom. Same type of bed, the last item on the wife’s pricelist for furniture store. The floor is, apparently, covered with cheap laminate.

07. The man clearly has some very serious mental issues, which is why all of his furniture purchases are guided by the principle “I want it to be like a palace.” Please note the paintings, the clocks, and the candelabras. Of course, neither the house nor the owner rises up to the scale of the palace. The result is a caricature of wealth.

08. Content of the cabinets.

09. Countless statuettes, candelabras, frames, and clocks. I just can imagine, how can one keep his sanity with such interior? Or, perhaps, this man did lose his mind with this interior?


11. The whole house is piled up with all imaginable weapons, paintings, dishes, and other junk. Now the people are thinking about what to do with all of this.

12. A hint. Simply put up a sign “Versailles, Furniture Salon for Well-Off Gentlemen” and keep the rest as is. Within a few months, new collective farmers who fell greedily into dough will haul all of this junk to their barn-palaces.


14. Office. There are so many paintings that he no longer knew where to put them – yet he still kept hauling everything into his house.

15. The subject of religion warrants special attention. Pshonka felt that he must have been doing something wrong. He obviously felt the pangs of his guilty conscience. Some think they can clear up their conscience  by surrounding themselves with icons. This, of course, isn’t so.

16. Crosses and icons are everywhere. Some of the icons are antique, with certificates enclosed. This will make for a nice present to the Ukrainian Church.

17. Another piece of evidence that no designer has ever stepped foot in this house. Cabinets are arranged more thoughtfully even in a furniture store.

18. Pshonka’s sacred corner. It appears that he quite often prayed for forgiveness of his sins.

19. When God did not hear the Prosecutor, the latter would fall back on the help of charlatans and exorcise demons.

20. The demons held onto Pshonka fiercely.

21. The entire house is filled with the owner’s images. Occasionally, he would remind himself of the law and dignity.


23. Money can’t buy taste.

24. You know, a lot of people like to have consolation in the thought: “Well, this one has already stolen enough, let him sit there and work, because if someone new comes, he’ll just start stealing anew.” Pshonka refutes this theory, showing that one can steal endlessly, as long as there’s any space left in the house for piling up the gold. Whereas the sick woman outside of Moscow proves that up can pile up the gold in your apartment at least until it reaches the ceiling.

25. Unfortunately, neither the art collection nor the golden candelabra were able to help the former Prosecutor General. Afraid of the people, Pshonka left all the junk behind and fled in disgrace. Along with a dozen other demons.

Houses of the fugitive Ukrainian swindlers should be left as they are and turned into museums. Perhaps, this would somehow serve to deter the future politicians. Hopefully, after viewing this report, the victims of Kiselev’s propaganda will begin understanding what brought the people out to the streets.

One day, museums like this could also open in Russia.

 Translated by Olga Ruda,edited Janet Taylor


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