Russians mark Putin’s 18th year in power by reprising Brezhnev-style anecdotes

Russian Internet meme (Image: social media)

Russian Internet meme (Image: social media) 

Analysis & Opinion, Russia

Eighteen years ago, Vladimir Putin was named Russian prime minister putting him on course to become the ruler of Russia under various titles ever since. Those born on August 9, 1999, who became legally adults today have never lived under any other leader.

In the intervening period, Putin has won enormous authority not only among those who have known no other ruler but also among their elders, but he has also suffered the fate of previous Moscow rulers who remained in office a long time: he and his regime have become the subject of Russian anecdotes that resemble those Soviets told about Leonid Brezhnev.

Brezhnev’s reign which lasted from 1964 to 1982 was in the view of most observers the golden age of Soviet anecdotes because they allowed Russians the opportunity to make fun of a leader who was increasingly vain and out of touch with the population in a way that did not carry enormous risks.

But as many dissidents pointed out, every joke was “a little revolution” because it broke through the official line and showed that the population whatever officials claimed viewed the world and especially the aging leader and his system in very different ways than the official media invariably claimed.

Tatyana Pushkareva of the Politobzor portal assembles some of the best of the recent rich harvest of Brezhnev-style anecdotes about Putin and his regime as they surpass his record for remaining in office.

  • Putin doesn’t use the Internet and so the video of his vacation has been put on Moscow’s First Channel.
  • US President Trump signed a law on sanctions against Russia because the country helped him become president. Such black ingratitude has never been seen before.
  • Putin’s movements are a military and state secret but it is difficult to keep them that way because everyone can see where new asphalt is being put down on the roads and where houses are being repaired and painted beforehand.
  • Putin happily travels along highways in Kostroma oblast at a speed of 120 kilometers an hour. Just ahead of him, however, moving at a speed of 200 kilometers an hour are those laying the asphalt down on the roads.
  • The harshest US sanction toward Russia is a decision to take away Prime Minister Dmitry Medvedev’s iPhone and iPad.
  • A young man asks his father: what’s a democracy? His father replies that it is the form of government in a country which works for US interests.
  • “If you don’t lie and steal, you’re not a liberal” – a sentence that rhymes in Russian.
  • The eternal Russian dilemma is whether to tighten the screws or tell them go to screw themselves.
  • The most horrific curse today: “May you live on the amount of money you’ve declared to the authorities.”
  • A Russian announces to a foreigner: We’re from Russia. To which the foreigner replies with a question: By saying that, are you already threatening us?

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Edited by: A. N.

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  • Screwdriver

    We hope that Putin will be gone soon, and new Russian leader would not hesitate to start a real war against Kiev Nazi regime.

    • zorbatheturk

      Heil Putin!

      • veth

        C-200 missile explodes in scrap-metal yard

        Aug. 10, a scrap-metal yard in Chita, Russia, was rocked by a powerful explosion, killing 2 of the yard staff, Vu24 reports.

        According to preliminary police reports, the explosion happened when the missile was being cut.

        After the accident, the police revealed two more C-200 Angara AA missiles stolen in a military unit and delivered to the scrap-metal yard for money.

        The blast was captured by a video-registrar in a car passing by the yard. Читайте більше тут: http://zik.ua/en/news/2017/08/10/c200_missile_explodes_in_scrapmetal_yard_1148329

        No comment, hahahahaa

        • Brent

          Must have been practicing on more Russian “self liquidation” for DPR and LPR Russo Nazzis…

          • Dagwood Bumstead

            Unfortunately only two Dwarfstanians were killed.

        • zorbatheturk

          One of the illegal vodka stills probably blew up, triggering a chain reaction.

    • svend lykkegaard

      Is it really necessary for you every day to show to the world that you are a little stupid Russian Teen. We all know that.

    • veth

      5000 Russian fascist soldiers are killed already in Donbass, I agree its not much.

      • Murf

        It’s not a bad start.
        But there is room for improvement.

    • veth

      Self-styled leader of the so-called “DPR” Alexander Zakharchenko says that the project he has earlier proposed will not bear the name of “Malorossiya” [Little Russia], according to Radio Svoboda.

      MALORUSSIA IS GONE ALREADY, WELL DONE UKRAINE

    • Murf

      The death knell of a want a be super power.

    • Brent

      “Screwball”, name one possible future Russian leader that hasn’t already been castrated by Putin:
      >Medvedev?
      >Zhirinovsky?
      >Girkin/Strelkov?
      >Rogozin?

      All useless sheeple resigned to cleaning Putin’s toilets for a living like yourself…..

      Navalny is the only Russian male capable of standing up to Putin that hasn’t been shot in the back yet and all you Russo Nazzi’s hate him already.

      • Dagwood Bumstead

        Don’t forget Kasparov…….

    • Dagwood Bumstead

      When your fascist demented pedophile dwarf Führerski goes, we will see a new Time of Troubles which will make the original Time of Troubles look like a village brawl.

      And the only question will be how big- or rather how small- Muscovy will be when the dust finally settles.

  • Dirk Smith

    LOL. A third-world nation of slaves once again. Cannon fodder for the newest gangster in the kremlin. Once this Venezuelan-petrostate collapses again, it needs to be carved up like Yugoslavia. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/71f82d724c366493e5186ff35845a2d7e128dc7fd9350e11ba84bab317d759c8.jpg

  • zorbatheturk

    All I know about Putin is that I cannot stand the little creep.

    • veth

      THIS IS FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      Donbas militant boss reverses on earlier “Malorossiya” announcement

      Self-styled leader of the so-called “DPR” Alexander Zakharchenko says that the project he has earlier proposed will not bear the name of “Malorossiya” [Little Russia], according to Radio Svoboda.

      Politics 09:00, 10 August 2017

      oplot.info “The very idea of re-establishing the state, plunged into a deep economic and political crisis, the state which is not attempting to carry out radical reforms to federalize the country and to find ways out of the collapse, received broad support. As early as now, I can say that there will not be a name ‘Malorossiya’ because it causes massive rejection,” pro-militant websites quoted Zakharchenko as saying, Radio Svoboda wrote. As UNIAN reported earlier, in July, Alexander Zakharchenko announced the “creation of Malorossiya,” which, he said, now includes the occupied territories of Donbas, and in the future must include all of Ukraine except Crimea, which he claimed separatists recognize as “Russian” territory. Read also U.S. State Dep not to “dignify with response” militant leader’s statement on “Malorossiya” The statement was criticized by Ukraine and the West, as well as by Russia and the “DPR” terrorist group itself. The idea was also rejected by militants in Luhansk region, the so-called “LPR,” which, according to Zakharchenko’s idea, would have ceased to exist.

      Read more on UNIAN: https://www.unian.info/politics/2074801-donbas-militant-boss-reverses-on-earlier-malorossiya-announcement.html

      • zorbatheturk

        When is this guy planning to retake Alaska?

        • Dagwood Bumstead

          Oh, Zakharchenko is PLANNING all the time. But between PLANNING and actually RETAKING lies a huge gulf which he can’t cross.

          • zorbatheturk

            His fantasies float on vodka.

      • Dagwood Bumstead

        The dwarf (or more likely Surkov) has probably told him “Take that back, or else.” But Zakharchenko and his fellow crooks are too thick to realise that regardless of what they do, “or else” is inevitable when they have outlived their usefulness.

  • Oknemfrod

    There’re veritably hundreds or thousands of those in circulation. By merely scratching the Internet surface, I’ve picked a few:

    — Which penal code article did they use to throw you in jail for saying Putin is an imbecile?
    — Divulging of a state secret.
    ***
    The “Best Putin’s image” contest was won by the image of a chalk contour on the floor.
    ***
    Putin thanked Patriarch Kirill for being baptized by his father; and Kirill thanked Putin for getting a reference from Putin’s father when he applied for his CPSU membership.
    ***
    Almost every country has a mafia. But in Putin’s Russia, a mafia has a country.
    ***
    Putin signed the law making it legal for spouses to beat each other, but only after he had divorced.
    ***
    When Putin bombs Syria, it makes ISIL terrorists flee back home to Russia.
    ***
    Putin announced that Snowden is ready to move back to the US despite the risk of being jailed there. The US DOJ replied that he hasn’t done his time yet.
    ***
    Elton John asked Putin to discuss the situation with gays in Russia. Putin replied that his relationships with his friends are nobody else’s business.
    ***
    — What shouldn’t Ukraine do on its way to Europe?
    — Bend over. Moscow is right behind it.
    ***
    A Russian cop nabbed a guy for berating Putin. A passerby interceded:
    — Please let him go! Can’t you see he is insane?
    — Not judging from what he was saying.
    ***
    — Vladimir Vladimirovich, everything is getting more expensive! How to survive?
    — No big deal. The most important thing is the value of human life; and in Russia, it’s zero, just as it’s always been.

    p.s. The meaning of the Russian word “анекдот”, though it sounds similar to the English “anecdote”, is not at all the same; it merely means “a joke”.

    • veth

      MAY BE ‘VERY SMALL RUSSIA’ IS AN OPTION?
      Donbas militant boss reverses on earlier “Malorossiya” announcement Self-styled leader of the so-called “DPR” Alexander Zakharchenko says that the project he has earlier proposed will not bear the name of “Malorossiya” [Little Russia], according to Radio Svoboda.

      Read more on UNIAN: https://www.unian.info/politics/2074801-donbas-militant-boss-reverses-on-earlier-malorossiya-announcement.html

      • Oknemfrod

        What Zakharchenko has said, says, or will say is no more important than a cow fart. And just like Motorola and Givi, he is a dead man walking, anyway.

        • veth

          He is rather quiet these last months, except this crazy idea, when he was drunk…………

          • Oknemfrod

            He’s always drunk.

    • Ihor Dawydiak

      In his vain and absurd attempt to achieve glorification from the masses, Pompous Putin the Pederast has tried to portray himself as Superman, Batman, Aquaman, Stenka Razin, Peter the Great and the Mightiest of all Metropolitan Patriarchs all rolled into one while at the same occasionally flashing his flabby man breasts for good measure. But what does all of this say for Russia’s foremost dwarf? Has he gained any real respect in the international community? If anything it would be the exact opposite as in disdain, ridicule and repugnance. Moreover, Putin just like any other bully has only demonstrated his own insecurities and inferiority complex through his actions and only he can be blamed for his negative image throughout the global community.

      • Oknemfrod

        Very true. However, there still exist two groups of bipeds eager to consume the image of this flabby toad: (a) most of his domesticated sheeple and (b) a bunch of useful idiots abroad.

        The former (group a), as it is pretty much evident from Sotnik TV’s interviews in Moscow and elsewhere in Russia, are incorrigible regardless of the age and educational level, and the nonsensical stories like the dwarf chasing a pike for two hours underwater make them drool like a Pavlov dog.

        The latter (group b) aren’t much better (in a sense, even worse); and the Western media are but happy to sell the images of bare-chested dwarf resting in a lounge chair after a “hard day’s work” and glorify the six-pack suddenly materialized, as if by miracle (actually called “Photoshop”), beneath his saggy boobs. The reflex the image triggers in this group of consumers is to go online and flood discussion boards with the glorification of the dwarf as a “real leader” – as opposed to supposedly “weak” Western ones.

        • Ihor Dawydiak

          Agreed. However, just as was the case in Soviet times, there were many people both educated and less educated who were wiser than they appeared to be when praising their leaders in public. These people understood the concept of “Potemkin’s village” as it corresponded to the leaders of their state but also understood that open disapproval of these same leaders could endanger themselves, their careers, their associates, friends, relatives and loved ones. Moreover, even during the time of regime changes, these same people were reluctant to express any pronounced disapproval of the former leaders lest they come back to power. As for the Kremlin, they did not necessarily disapprove of public silence in certain political matters. After all, they wanted sheeple and not people.

          • Oknemfrod

            In the Soviet times (at least according to my having observed it from inside for a couple of my adult decades), the percentage of people who could clearly see the things for what they were and knew for themselves distinctly that the whole commie thing was a bunch of crock was quite dismal – perhaps even smaller than the oft-mentioned 14 percent of the Russians today.

            A minority of those clear-headed folks, group 1, were simply born with immunity against the agitprop – or, more likely, merely with the innate ability to believe only their senses and logic; and the rest, group 2, at least had the capacity of being de-indoctrinated (mostly by the people from group 1). Much as I like to claim that I belonged to group 1, the truth is that I was a convert. Luckily, the conversion occurred pretty early in life, in my late teens, under the influence of a lifelong friend of mine from group 1, all the more remarkable that he was only a year older.

          • Eddy Verhaeghe

            Oknemfrod, your ode to your friend and to friendship made my day. Next time you speak to your friend or meet him send him my regards and tell him that he did a hell of a job 😉

          • Oknemfrod

            Thanks for the kind words, Eddy, I’d gladly pass your regards on to Serhiy but, unfortunately – and suddenly and very untimely – he passed away a few years ago. My fond memories of him will live on with me till my turn comes.

        • Dagwood Bumstead

          The pike was no doubt attached to the dwarf’s hook by a diver after having been caught by someone else previously.

          • Oknemfrod

            First I wondered how come they couldn’t find a bigger pike – the previous ones “caught” by the dwarf seemed to be much more sizable. Methinks they had finally realized that any large object next to the dwarf (even wearing artfully concealed high heels) underscores why he is called “dwarf” in the first place and decided to make the correction.

          • Dagwood Bumstead

            I’ve often wondered whether the term “dwarf” is being used universally for Putolini, or just by us. I can’t imagine any Dwarfstanian daring to refer to him as “карлик” unless he or she actually wants a term behind bars. Perhaps the Pussy Riot girls do?

          • Oknemfrod

            I don’t know about publicly – as you’ve said, it’s dangerous – but privately some surely do; I know a few personally.

          • Eddy Verhaeghe

            ROFL

  • veth

    JSC Motor Sich plans to start the production of helicopters in Zaporizhia in 2018, Motor Sich President and General Designer Viacheslav Bohuslayev has told an Ukrinform reporter.
    “In 2018, JSC Motor Sich is launching its own production of the Nadiya [Hope] helicopter. This is a civil helicopter for up to seven passengers with a range of 1,000 kilometers, so it’s capable of flying all over Ukraine. The helicopter is currently undergoing certification,” he said.

    According to Bohuslayev, the new helicopter can be designed for use by units of the State Service for Emergency Situations, border guards and other security forces, as well as for the purposes of aviation medicine.

    JSC Motor Sich is a Zaporizhia-based enterprise specializing in the production of aircraft engines and gas turbine units. The company’s products are operated on airplanes and helicopters in 120 countries.

  • veth
  • Tony

    Try and name a relevant russian technology company. Nothing? At best kapersky that will probably give FSB a backdoor to your network? Exactly, russians achieved nothing more than building a fascist banana republic. They lost generations of progress and they will lose generations more.

  • zorbatheturk

    RuSSians think the sun shines out of Putin’s rear.